New Terrorist Threats

Dear TSA:

Thank you for your service. As a devoted fan of U.S. TV, I wanted to point out that the following can all be used as weapons and to hide weapons.

1. The rectum—which can be a grave
2. Chemical agents disguised as athlete’s foot
3. Chemical agents disguised as ringworm
4. Chemical agents disguised as zits
5. Chemical agents disguised as moles
6. Chemical agents disguised as halitosis
7. Chemical agents disguised as flatulence
8. Chemical agents disguised as herpes simplex

Please keep us safe from all these.

Sincerely,

Traveler.