Reading The Blue Clerk, 161

“Verso 49”

If you buy the teacher’s edition, it will have the answers that are not in the student edition. But we are obedient and obey the lists that say student edition. Sometimes, we will sneak glances at the teacher’s edition to find out the answers. Sometimes, the teachers will look at the teacher’s edition, even though the teachers should know the answers.

There are two kinds of books.

The answer key. Why is it called the answer key. Why not simply answers? What does it unlock? And for whom? The key is in your stars and suns and soils and waters and stones and entrails and at the back of the dream that never starts and never ends and never has a middle or a map.

Books of discomfort and books of discomfort.

You are looking for the map you have already traced that places you at the heart of its x. Here, this is me. Here, I am. Here I am. Here I, am. Here this, is me. It is always so accurate, the most generic trait that also distinguishes you from the you that you are when you are not the you that you always are.

you are also the you that you think you are

And if there is no answer key. And if you are not a locked box. And if there was no event. And if there is no backstory. And if you are inventing yourself from moment to moment as the backstory you need so the social can seem like an unfolding plot rather than a random sequence of events within someone else’s narrative. I am a character? No. I am not a character? No. I don’t understand.

the books of discomfort said you are the you that you are

But I am complex. Look: I have a diagnosis.

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